Approval weaves through every relationship. From getting grades in school to pleasing a spouse to being successful in the workplace, the good opinion of others seems an essential element to making it through lifes obstacle course. Once I worked in a high pressure job with two strong brilliant bosses, one male and one female. I wanted earnestly to gain their respect, but I found myself continually caught between them. One would want one thing, the other would want something in the opposite direction, and I would flail around trying to please them both. It hurt me on some level that no matter what I did, I thought that one or the other of them would be angry with me. This continual sense of imbalance made my days very stressful, and I often thought my job was in jeopardy. Finally, in a meeting with the female boss, I broke down. She was very patient with me, and after listening, she said, You know, its not about pleasing him or me. Its about pleasing God. (We shared a foundational faith in spirituality, so it wasnt unusual for us to talk this way.) Her comment was a shock to me. Not about pleasing people? How else does a person keep their job? But she was right. Merely doing what the bosses wanted wouldnt cut it. I had a unique contribution to make, and I could only make it by being myself. The only way to succeed at this job was for me to discover what God wanted me to do with my position, and to do that. But first I had to get over the crippling need for approval. That evening something strange happened. I went home, and for some reason, took out my journals from middle school. As I leafed through, I found an entry that said, Mom and Dad never let me do anything! They dont give me any say! These were the rantings of a frustrated pre-teen, but they sounded very familiar. It finally crystallized that Id been carrying this mindset around for years. Id been trying to assert my autonomy over authority figures throughout my life, and had never been successful. Now, this limited view was holding me back. At that point, I had a choice. I could believe this was a part of me that I couldnt escape, or I could choose instead to see myself as free. Im grateful to say that as a student of Christian Science, I already had the tools at hand to choose the latter option. One of the things I love about Christian Science is its teaching that we are each reflections of the Divine, and therefore the freedom we can experience is unlimited. A passage in Science and Health, the textbook of Christian Science, explains, The spiritual man's consciousness and individuality are reflections of God. They are the emanations of Him who is Life, Truth, and Love. Immortal man is not and never was material, but always spiritual and eternal. At the moment of uncovering the long-standing limited mindset, these familiar spiritual concepts made it instantly clear to me that having a problem with authority figures had always been an imposition on me. It had never been my role just to do what others wanted. My real job had always been to express my own unique individuality as Gods creation. If I did that, *God* would approve of me. I didnt need anyone else to approve. This was enormously empowering! I went back to work the next day a changed woman. As I sat in meetings or got directives, I listened through the filter of what did God want *me* to do or say in response to what was being said. After all, only I could fulfill the role God had for me. I didn't need to wait for someone else to give me permission to do it. I began to participate with more creative ideas, and to add value to the discussions rather than just do what was asked of me. I began to find inspiration that resolved any conflicts in instruction. I learned gradually how to communicate more honestly and with less fear. My bosses, co-workers and I became the tightest team ever, and I eventually grew into a management position myself. Being hurt by a lack of human approval can be left behind. It is always an imposition on us, and, no matter how extreme, its not a permanent part of our being. You too can find the real source of infinite approvalGod. |
