Other people can bring tremendous happiness to our lives but we cannot rely on them alone for happiness. Clinging to people because we think our happiness depends on them can have a disastrous effect on any relationship. Our happiness, ultimately, is our own responsibility and not someone else's. Trisha Goddard runs a kind of Oprah solve your problems discussion group on UK TV. One of her guests, Sarah, aged 25, was worried that her younger boyfriend would cheat on her with younger women. Trisha advised her to stop worrying and get off her butt and do exercise etc to make herself the best she could be at 25. This would help her to feel good about herself whatever else happened. "You can't stop any one cheating on you", said Trisha. "They will do what they have to do but you can work on yourself. So do what you can do and do not have angst about what you can't." No one can control how someone else feels about them; they can only ultimately control how they feel about themselves. If they learn to love themselves they are more likely to be loved by others. People are more likely to love themselves if they make the most of themselves by following Trisha's advice i.e. "Get off your butt and do exercise or whatever it takes to be the best you can be." In fact, Sarah was worrying unnecessarily. Her younger boyfriend told her he loved her and would not cheat on her because he already had what he wanted. He just wanted some peace! Another guest, Andrea, was concerned about her attractiveness and her life. She had put on 8 stone in one year and weighed 20 stone. She just sat at home on her bed in her nightie but was scared of sleeping in case she did not wake up: "I can't sleep and I can't breathe." Some very good advice was provided with enthusiasm by a caring audience One young woman suggested that Andrea go shopping with daughter, Vickie, and buy some clothes she looked good in. She should also buy some clothes too small to give her a goal to work towards. Another woman called Samantha described how she trained twice a week for two hours: "The other people in the gym don't notice you. I had to go because I was paying! The trainer turned 'I can't' into 'I can' by just telling me: 'You are doing this.' " Anthony Brown, an expert from the audience, gave Andrea some four star advice: "Structure your day and work out a schedule. Don't eat after 7 p.m. What you want will happen. What you want to achieve is achievable. Don't be scared to lose weight because there can't be anything scarier than dying or getting some illness from obesity in a few years time. Help your family and your self as well. Take action for yourself because you are doing it for you and you want to feel better." Of course the advisers could not follow their advice on Andrea's behalf. That is the bad news but the good news is that, as humans, we can choose to follow any good advice we want and no one else can stop us except ourselves. This good news is obvious but we often seem to forget it. Our life and our happiness are in our own hands. We've got the whole of the rest of our lives in our hands! |
