Have you ever made a mistake? Of course you have. We all have! If you were the only one affected by the mistake, you might just consider yourself foolish. If it caused harm or inconvenience to another person, you might choose to apologize. If someone caused you harm, you might decide to forgive them. In either situation, you need to make one last choiceto forgive yourself or not. Women often talk about forgiveness as it relates to forgiving others, but forgiveness starts with ourselves first. Of all the prejudices and stubborn opinions we harbor, we save the most judgmental and condemning for ourselves. I shouldve, couldve, wouldveI cant get anything rightIm no good. Women are known to habitually say, Im sorry as if they are responsible for every problem in the world. Even for the smallest infractions that shouldnt warrant a second thoughtlike eating that piece of chocolate cake that wasnt on the dietwe refuse to forgive ourselves, causing considerable damage to our self-worth. If were not accustomed to forgiving ourselves, its difficult to forgive others. When my younger sister committed suicide in her early twenties, I imploded with guilt. I hated myself for not being able to prevent it, and I hated my sister for causing my family so much pain. Then I hated myself even more for hating her! The months following her death were filled with depression, anxiety and a depth of sadness so dark that I felt like I was living in a thick black cloud of smoke, smoldering in its putrid fumes. I finally decided to see a family counselor. After a couple of months, I was able to rise above the cloud of darkness, but only after I forgave my sister and myself for our mistakes. I learned that I couldnt continue to blame myself for another persons actions, and that forgiveness instantly lightens a heavy heart. In an ABC News interview with Barbara Walters, Hillary Clinton (who most women would agree had plenty of cause to be angry for eternity after the very public Monica Lewinsky scandal with her husband) said, I reached the point where I decided that I was either going to have to forgive....and let go of the anger and the disappointment that I had felt, or we werent going to have a marriage.... And both of us worked very, very hard to reach that point....The counseling...led me to believe that this was a marriage and a love that I wanted to try to preserve if it could be. And I was willing to try. By holding on to hate and blame for the people who harm us, it may make us feel like the keepers of justice, but all were really doing is stoking the coals of a dangerous fire burning within us. A fire that quickly destroys any love or humanity we may have left. While justice and the law should prevail when someone commits a criminal act, the human heart still needs to heal when an infliction is made. Fire wont heal itlove and forgiveness will. Each experience you have in life is a lesson, especially those that are most damaging to you. You cant predict or know what someone elses lessons in life are, and therefore, you cant judge them for what they might doeven if they hurt you. Once you forgive yourself and others, you can let go of the pain and the past. 5 Ways to Forgive & Forget: Find the lesson in your mistakes and then move on. Apologize when youve hurt another person. Know that all people are capable of love, even though their actions say otherwise. Know that forgiving a person brings peace of mind for oneself. If a person causes you emotional pain, tell them. |
