You've been dating several weeks, and you have a feeling he might be the one. He calls when he says he'll call. He shows up when he says he'll show up. Your friends like him, and he's nice to your cat. He's doing everything right, and you're pretty sure he's everything you ever wanted in a man. But you're not sleeping well. Your hands shake when you pour a cup of coffee. You're distracted at work. And people keep asking you, "How's it going with the new romance? When's the wedding?" You're freaking out. What's wrong with you? Well, nothing, really. You've reached the point in a new relationship where everything seems to be going well, but part of you is terrified that suddenly it'll end: He'll stop calling. He'll meet somebody else. You'll discover his dresser drawers are crammed with women's underwear. And your fears are right and natural. Every time he does something right, you fall for him a little more. You're scared because you've only just met him, you don't really know him, and he holds your heart in his hands! Your mind races with questions: If he's so great, why isn't he married? Why didn't his last relationship last? And so on. You find yourself fighting the urge to call his parents and closest friends for character references. Let's face it. Falling in love is not for cowards. It takes strength, confidence, and poise. It becomes tempting to dissect every gesture, every snippet of dialogue with a well-meaning friend who is only too happy to advise you on your new relationship. But don't do it. Think of your new relationship as a seed you've planted in the ground. The seed needs time to germinate and break through the soil, but every time you discuss your relationship with a third party, you dig it up. The relationship is no longer a potentially sacred thing between two people but the subject of speculation for many others. You've robbed it of its specialness and mystery. Avoid the temptation to ask a friend, "What do you think he meant when he said...?" Ask him instead. If he does something that bothers you, tell him. Keep the relationship between you. Adopt a "we'll see what happens" attitude. It takes courage, definitely, but it's worth it. Give your burgeoning relationship the sun and water it deserves. Only you can decide whether a man is right for you. Please trust yourself to do that. |
