"Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade." ~Leo Buscaglia Relationships are living things. And like all living things they need the proper kind of love, attention, and space in which to grow. Relationships are either growing or dying at any given time. That is the nature of life. So if you want your relationship to grow and keep growing, whether you have been together for 20 years or 20 minutes, here are a few guidelines you may want to consider. First is love. Even if you have just met this person, everyone is looking for love and very few of us get enough of it. Yet love is the essence of all life. Love is what newborns need as much as food and shelter in order to grow and thrive. As adults, we are no different. So what is love and how do you give it away? Love can come by showing unconditional positive regard for another. Some would call it respect, yet it is more than respect. Love is also conveyed with warmth, acceptance and appreciation. You can show this by giving a smile, offering a compliment or a touch. The extent and intimacy of these gestures, of course, will depend on how close the relationship is. If you are in a long term committed relationship or marriage, don't neglect this step. Some feel that if they are married, they have made the commitment and don't have to continue to show their partner love through small gestures of affection, compliments, and saying "I love you" daily. Yet this is essential if your relationship is to continue to grow and deepen its roots. Next is attention. Relationships need attention. It is important to spend time together on a regular and consistent basis. Most people lead very busy and stress filled lives. I hear from my clients all the time, "I just don't have the time!" Yet what I have found is that we all make time for what is truly important to us. So ask yourself, "Is my relationship with this person important enough to me to give it my time?" And how much time is necessary? That is a question only you and the other person can decide. But it is important to ask that question and not assume that you are giving enough time to your partner. The test is, does your partner feel that the amount of time and the quality of that time is enough? Have that discussion, and adjust from there. Last is space. This is the one that can easily be overlooked. Sometimes when you first get into a relationship with someone you really like and are attracted to, you may want to be with that person all the time! This can be a killer of relationships. If you smother your new love or expect their constant undivided attention, the relationship will die. No one can survive and be healthy in such a setting. It is fine to have interests in common, yet it is equally important to maintain individual interest and friends, as well as time and space to be alone. Even if it seems like you both want to spend ALL your free time together, make a conscious effort to not fall into that trap. Set aside some time to be away form each other. It will make the time you do spend together richer and you will be a more interesting and well rounded person as a result. So it doesn't matter if you are in a new relationship, or a long term one, these simple guidelines will help keep your relationship vital, alive and growing, bring you satisfaction and fulfillment for years to come! Are you getting the love you want? Are you living outrageously? Are you as happy as you want to be? You might consider hiring a coach. Many of my clients have found that the support of a coach can make the difference between living well and just getting by. |
