He is putting his body weight on me now, and that snake is hard as a rock, I can't breath. I think I'm going to die. He is inside of me, inside my skin, I feel like I'm coming apart, he is ripping me, like I'm being cut open. It seemed to me the roof was caving in on me. My head was hitting the ground as he pushed in and out; I thought I was going to pass out. I didn't scream anymore, I wanted to be a soldier, I was a lion inside now, what more could he do. I hated this man I told myself, and his two followers. King Arthur would not allow this, nor would King Richard to know this was to take place he would kill the soldiers. He would have had them killed, slaughtered. And now the thin and big man was taking off his cloths, getting ready. I lay there as if I was frozen. I will not give them pleasure other than what they can imagine while they do what they please. I am a lion, and my silence means I will hunt them down like King Arthur did with the unmoral subjects of his kingdom. Am I dreaming? Open your eyes! Oh no, here he comes, the thin man. I forgot for a moment, I am only 13-year old, a kid. I feel like a warrior being punished for being an enemy. They are the enemy I am a soldier from King Arthur's round table. And they were the forces of evil. Like King Richard the Lion Heart, if I was born a man, I would have struck them dead right this minute, this very minute. But I am a lioness, and a lioness thinks first, and reacts later; we have to be more cleaver than the beast, wait, and be shrewd. The war starts now. And now he entered me this thin beast. He is looking right into my eyes; his mouth is foaming with saliva, dripping on my belly. I will smile at him, and not cry, as he pulls me to him, like a slab of beef on a butcher's table. I will show him the lioness will not surrender. He just knocked the wind out of me, I can't breathe again, and I am gasping for air; damn! He was quicker than the huge beast. Thank God, but is that all there is to it, to his kind of sex, why does he go through all this trouble for a few minutes, about nine minutes. I was counting to keep my mind going; --I counted up to five hundred. The Knights and Angelina Now the two men are standing talking over me, as if I was a ham, I want to swear at them, call them all kinds of nasty names, but I will not lower my dignity to that. I am dizzy; I need to focus my eyes. They are telling the young one to take me, and afterwards to meet them at the Inn which is down the road. Even the Arab warrior Saladin would not do this. I have heard about that warrior, and King Richard was going to marry his nephew's sister. And so he must have been a little honorable. But this young knight, I think is an Arab will turn into a beast soon. They have now left, and the young man is undressing. I thought so, he wants me also. And he will kill me, I know, he will have to. I will have to suffer one more time, I can't avoid this, and I can't think of what to do. But I will pretend I like it, get him to get off guard. That is how soldiers fight. They look for a weak point in the castle, and that is where they attack. My grandfather was a soldier, and he told me that. He said his comrades would find a vulnerable spot in the fortress, and put most of their efforts into seizing that area. And so I shall, there is no other way. He is raping me like a prostitute at the Inn, I heard they sell themselves to the men and make lots of money, why don't they just go there, in Town, the Inn is only a short distance away, and now I had to pretend I liked it. He would most likely have to kill me so I couldn't tell the town's folk. But maybe they were not afraid of that. There would be no justice for these soldiers should I die, they are heroes to all. They will say the war made them do it. And all will feel sorry for them and they will go free. I must hold my tears: --there would be time later for that, I have a plan. Angelina in Despair Angelina's Thoughts Doubts could only weaken me, I would look back at them; I can't allow that; fate would deny me my prize if I did, my prince, my knight, my life. I am not like the others who marry whoever, whenever, somewhere, anywhere along the hills and valleys of this land. Life will stop for me, like them. This was like blood seeping from me;--I have to stop it, clear the way for the return of my life. I need to be a master strategist, exercising control over my terrifying ordeal. I need to set ambushes cleverly, for I am out numbered, use darkness for advantages --also surprise. I know I can win a great war with a little hope; it is all I have now. Grandpa once said it is no secret if you just tell one soul, I will tell no one, not even my soul my mind, no one. Grandpa was in a war, he knows how to battle. He told me many times, I remember him saying you have to look for the one with the most courage and kill him first, for he was the most dangerous. But I will do that second. They want to take everything away from meee, all that belongs to my futurerrrrr, and I have to accept their fate for me. NoooooooOOO!! I have the answer, a deadly one. This will be their last conquest. What comes from your heart mom says, comes out of your mouth. And so it was war that came from their heart, and it is war that will bind them. Dad used to say if you live by the sword you will die by the sword that is why he buried his, long before he married mom. I will not marry a man who will die by the sword, just like mom. Chapter Four The Sword Now the young soldier is naked, he's spreading my legs just like the others did, as if I was a piece of butter; his thumbs in my thighs, it hurts, but nothing like the weight from the huge one, but it still hurts. I wish he was kinder. He is doing as he pleases, I am a mere nothing. But he doesn't see the lioness in me, King Arthur could or King Richard. But I'm not going to resist, or show him the line yet. He likes my smile, for the first time he looked at me with tenderness, I think that is because he wants I want him. You know, say how much I enjoy him. "Ouchhhhhhhh..."? my cheeks are numb, I'm trying to look at how he is doing it. I don't even know where he is, but on top of me; my face is under his chest, and he stinks of old sweat, like a fish; he's going to break my bones if he squeezes me any harder. I see his sword it is on the left side of him. He is jumping like a rabbit. What kind of thing is this; gee! I hope it is more than this when I get... I can't say it, "Ouchhhhhhhcc... Occcccc Chh, damn, damnnnn...it hurts."? Don't these soldiers ever talk, or is it some kind of ritual, when you rape you say nothing. There is blood coming out of me, on my legs, I hope he didn't cut me with his knife, I didn't see him do it. Why the blood? He sees my tears. He is wiping them, some kind of compassion. There he goes; he did it, that crazy sound and jump, as if his insides exploded. I know he's going to stop soon the other two did when this happened. I saw a smile on his face, from the corner of my eye, again. What kind of a smile is that when you hurt me, and smile? Steal my life from me. He smiled again, the third. I gave him what he wanted, no resistance, what is this stupid smile of his for. As if I liked it. I was saving myself for my hero, not for this piece of dirt. I wanted a hero, not a dirty soldier like this in a barn. How dare he smile so many times! Now he entered me again. Damn, I am really sore; I can't stop the tears anymore. I'm trying to smile. "Push"? he said. These were the first words I heard from his mouth, and so I pushed, but thought, -- 'what for?' he's pushing. Matter of fact he is pushing me so hard it seems I will break my back bone soon; damn, I can't push, he's too heavy for me to even move. He was not gentle at...at all; not, not gentle, but not so mean looking as he was before. Now he looks a little safer. Now is my opening, the vulnerable spot grandpa told me about concerning the castles. The other two stopped, but this monster keeps going on and on. He is robbing me of everything. Stealing my life I had saved for a later date; he doesn't know maybe I am not fifteen years old yet, but he didn't ask. Not now it is too late to ask. He is inside of me again, but his snake is not as hard or long as before. There he goes again, with that explosion, and those faces, as if someone is strangling him. My grandpa said there is a price for everything, and I am a lioness, like King Richard. He stopped, thank God; is he going to do it again, oooooooo Oohhhh... I hope not. He is pulling himself to his knees, trying to catch his breath. I have to think fast, I do not want him to go, not yet, not quite yet. I would never see him again; or I would be dead. And I feel now like lion. I have gone through the war, and he is the weak part of the castle, this moment, before he gets his strength back. I know this to be so, my whole being is telling me, now, nowwwww...ww...www ... !!!! Orrr...never...! "I enjoyed it very much sir, but only from you. Could you do it again, please, oh please? I think I love you. But if you have to rest I will wait for you. Oh yes, you are tired I see. PLEASE don't tell me to go!"? I pleaded to the young soldier. He looked strange at me, as if I was crazy. He looked dumbfounded, as I had looked a while ago. "Sure,"? he said with his eyebrows up, a glittering smile, as if he was the king of the Tor. Then as he lay down by my side I put my hands through his hair, I seen my mother does that to dad, and he always falls to sleep. There he goes, just like dad. He is sleeping, as if he did a day's work. The Lion I got up walked about the huge barn, picked up my torn dress, and put it back on. I looked dirty, like a beggar with this dress, and filth all over me. The light was now shinning heat into the barn. It was closer to lunch time I knew. He would be hungry in a short while; dad and grandpa always get hungry about this time. The heat would wake him, his body was hot, and it would cool, and the warmth of the sun would wake him. I grabbed his sword, it is very heavy, and I had to grip it with two hands. I finally got it in the air after turning my body in a circle a few times with the sword swinging out. I had to keep a good grip on it so it would not fly out of my hands, it would wake him, and he'd kill me for certain. Around and around I went, like I was jump-roping [Angelina's Thoughts: --Now is the time to be strong Angelina, kill the first and then the one with courage and you shall have your future. --Who is that talking to me? --I am the secret.] I am swinging it in a circle, I am a little clumsy; but I have it still in the air. As I look at him sleeping, he does not look so much like a giant, as he did before, he rather looks helpless, like I did. I have it over my head now. I'm getting a little dizzy. His...his nostrils are bre...bre...breathing in air, and when it comes out///...out///... half is out of his nose and the other half out of his mouth. I have never noticed that with dad or grandpa before, I'll have to check that out sometime. The sword is getting heavy, "Let it go, let it go, go, goooooo, ggggoooo...Noww W W W W Wwwww..."? I let the sword fall I am guiding it to his neck, "yes, yes,"? ddo Oowwnnn Nnn!! Now, now it's dropping. "SLASH....ssssssssssssssssssss,"? right through his neck. His eyes opened opened His...his arms moved his body quiv...!!! quivered like a chicken dying, a sna...k...e q with no head, jumping, only the tail moving and the sword lay between his lower dorsal and his upper part of the body; his neck is like a bare ham. I think he is looking at me, but his head is off, how can that ...that be? He looks like he is in disbelief, he is looking now at his legs, and his eyes are crossing over to the sword. "Sir, I have just cut your head off, you should not have raped me. I am truthfully sorry for this, as I'm sure you maybe are now for having done what you felt you had to do to me, and so I forgive you. You are surely one of the noblest knights in the entire world, and I shall not forget that. If I did not know you I would have guessed you to be Sir Galahad, for he was the servant of the Lord. And I think you could have been him. But..."? He is closing his eyes, and yet his head remains off. But I know he heard me, for I seen a tear appear. "I think you were hoping Merlin was here. He would wave his hand over you and you would be smiling again. But King Arthur would still not allow what you did; indeed, I have saved you from a shameful knife in your heart, and from the shame you would have brought the Roundtable, for that is what may have happened had you done that with his knowledge."? I looked at him for a minute, after thinking all these things, and said to myself, out loud, for no one was around anyway but him and me: "Now see, you steal from me, and I steal from you. I can not give you back life, nor can you give me back my virginity; an eye for an eye. But I will pray for your soul, if you pray for my return of my virginity. Maybe it is possible. Many things are possible, people think are not. For I have never thought I could have killed you, and see, here I did. It was really simply once you put your mind to it."? Having said that, I took his sword and dug a hole in the dirt right where he lay, about three feet deep, and I rolled him into it just like mom puts in the ham during winter, that is, she puts it under the ground to preserve it. I shall do the same. Then I buried his head separately. He had several pieces of silver, and so I took them for my torn dress, and I took his horse which was by the stone wall tied to a tree. I took off the saddle, and just kept the horse; he was big, and I liked him. Then I went and bought a new dress. Then spent the evening at my grandfather's house giving him the horse as a gift; --I told him it was from the young soldier from war, who asked me to keep it as a gift, for the war was over and it just brought back old memories. Grandpa liked the horse so very much he named him Big Angelina; for it was a huge horse, and he was so very friendly. As we sat around that evening, I asked grandpa about the war in the Holy Lands. He knows everything about every thing; I asked how women were treated in such places as the Holy Land. He explained that there was some holy man named Muhammad, who married an older woman when he was young. I guess this was hundreds of years ago. And he formed a religion called Islam. Well, this woman was a fine lady, and had a business, shipping camels to different cities. And that she and Mohammed believed in the right to marry whomever you wanted. And that she was respected by her husband. They were married for about 25-year. But after his death, the Muslim world did not follow his life style and married many wives, for Mohammed during his marriage with her, he never married anyone else; after she died of course, it is a different story. And then after his death, women became more of an item than a sidekick or partner to the Muslims; even though he did not advocate that kind of behavior for his followers. I liked the story when Mohammed was married to this first woman, called Khadija, but not after her, I think he changed. She was noble as he was; as I would be. But it helped me understand a few things a little, I think. Anyway, the men took only what they wanted, and threw the rest away, how convenient. Just like this young man and his two friends did; when they could have went to the Inn and got with silver all they wanted to. Unknown Dreams of Angelina |
