Watching the Winter Olympics from Torino isn't all that glorious. Take curling for example. Take it and send it back to Scotland. Throw it back in the loch. At least, there should be no men teams in curling. The American Men's Team is so lousy one player just curled a stone that didn't pass the red line and was rejected. The shot before that was 10 yards in front of the bull's-eye. I haven't seen one woman make such rotten shots. Leave the game to the ladies and leave it out of the Olympics. Okay, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Leave it in. Show it on television at 1:00 a.m. Ice Dancing is not a sport. Just because a bunch of finalist fell on their padukas doesn't make it so. Sideline sob stories do not make ice dancing interesting. I will say this for ice dancing, it is better than celebrity ball room dancing-which stinks. Okay, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Leave ice dancing in. Show it on television at 3:00 a.m. Doing intricate ski jumps in the fog at night seems stupid to my wife. She says, "They could get killed." I tell her that the cameras are far away so they see mostly fog and that the skiers can actually see pretty well under the wonderful lights. (Anyway, that's what one of the announcers said.) My wife said, "If that is so, why are they throwing pine needles on the land ramp so the skiers can see the ground?" Damn that was a hard landing. If it wasn't for the fog, I could have seen it. I'm sure glad the skiers can see even if I can't. Show intricate skiing and ski jumping on sunny days only. One thing I don't like about the Olympics is that they give only three medals for an event. The reason they have a plethora of events is so that they can give away more of these three medals. If you don't win race "A" maybe you can win race "B", "C", "D", ..., "Z." I say give more medals each race as follows: Gold: For the winner. Silver: For the one who skipped breakfast. Bronze: For the one that was sick all night or in the hospital before the race. Iron: For the one that said he was going to take it all but didn't. Copper: For the one that skipped training last week. Aluminum: For the gal that slipped and knocked her knee out of joint or the guy that missed his jump into the luge. Puter: For the guy or gal that came in last because of soft muscles but tried hard. Mercury (This metal is in a plastic ring because it is a liquid at normal temperatures.): For the guy that cheated and was banned from the Olympics. Titanium: For the girl the male spectators thought was "very hot" or for the guy the female spectators thought had "nice buns." Uranium: For the guy or gal that fizzled out just before the finish line. The Olympic Committee will have to build a large medal presentation stand for Montreal. The End |
