Alot of children's TV shows promote sarcasm and back talk. Our children are encouraged to develop one-upmanship, push the boundaries, and say whatever comes to mind, even if it hurts someone elses feelings or is downright rude. On TV, the characters who are selfish, mean-spirited, conniving, deceitful and crafty emerge as the winners. They make us laugh. They get away with breaking the rules. Wow, theyre powerful. Somehow they manage to out-do everyone else. In reality, the opposite is true. A child who goes against the rules, cops a bad attitude and is foul-mouthed doesnt fool anyone. Theyre offensive and nobody likes them. They get caught. They develop a bad reputation. The word gets around that theyre a troublemaker and should be avoided at all costs. This type of type casting is hard to break away from. Of course, there are exceptions. There are times when children need to stand up for themselves. The old school of parenting insists that children submit to authority, do what theyre told, and never question it. If that were true, a child who was being kidnapped, molested, bullied or mistreated would just go along with it. After all, the adult doing the damage is older than them, and supposedly knows better. Children shouldnt be expected to swallow or stuff their feelings. There are times when children should stand up for themselves. They should express their feelings. But they need to do it in a respectful and polite way. Imagine this scenario. Your first grader refuses to go to bed. When you turn off the TV, he starts kicking and karate chopping. He screams, Take that, you evil mom! The key to handling back talk is stay calm and levelheaded. Dont get angry. Begin by acknowledging his feelings: I understand that youre mad, and dont want to go to bed. But the way youre acting just isnt acceptable. If youre creative, you might suggest a situation where just behavior would be acceptable: Now if I were a bad guy trying to kidnap you, then you should kick and scream like thisbut to act like this towards your Mom, who loves you and takes care of you. that just isnt right! Another idea is to lighten the situation with a little humor, Hey, I recognize this behavior from Hong Kong Phooey. Thats fine on Cartoon Network but its not the way to treat your Mom. Remind your child why such behavior is not acceptable. You need to talk to me in a polite and respectful way. Youre being rude and thats not appropriate now. Lastly, ask your child to rephrase or express himself in an acceptable way. When he does so, praise your child for speaking respectfully. Remember to stick to your guns. He still needs to go to bed. Tomorrow is another day, but I so proud that youre my son. With a little effort, you will regained a sense of balance in your home and un-do the rudeness and sarcasm that your child has learned from cartoons on TV. |
