Did you know that continually fighting and bickering is addictive. It is.

Fight or Flight

The way it was taught to me in school was that the fight or flight response is hard wired into us since the beginning of time. When the saber toothed tiger jumps out of the jungle at the cave man, the adrenaline rush causes you to prepare you to either fight the tiger or run like hell.

Fighting and bickering, and the anger that comes with it, kicks off the old fight-or-flight response that prepares us to handle a threat.

This produces a kind of energy, or "high." This high is linked with the fighting and bickering, and an addiction is formed.

Some people have said that what kept the fighting alive in their relationship was the "juiced" feeling they would get when fighting mad.

Breaking the addiction

The strategy to break the addiction is to set up a new link in your mind. Instead of linking the fighting to the high of anger, link the fighting to the pain you feel when you are being hurt by your partner and the hurt you cause.

This will take some time and practice. It is worth it, because you will learn to avoid the fighting to avoid the pain.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com

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