Accomplished women are losers in romance claims NY Times columnist Maureen Dowd in her column titled "Men Just Want Mommy." She says powerful men want to marry women who are caretakers like secretaries, assistants, nannies, flight attendants, etc. Are powerful women really at a disadvantage in the marriage market?
A University of Michigan study found that men prefer to marry women in subordinate jobs than womem who are supervisors. Another study by British researchers suggests that successful men would rather have traditional wives, more like their mothers. They also reported that the higher a woman's IQ, the less chance she has to marry.
Dowd wonders does this mean "the more women achieve, the less desirable they are?" Despite the somewhat alarming conclusions we might draw from these trends, the answer is a resounding NO!
Accomplished women can be winners in romance, but they have to set their sights on a different kind of man. The worst partner a powerful, ambitious woman can choose is a man who is just as powerful and driven as she is. High-powered men are smart to marry women who will support them, not compete with them.
Successful women today need to discover that men who are willing to play a more supporting role make perfect partners for them. It's tough for most men to accept a woman who is more successful than they are, but not all men feel that way. More men than you think would be happy to be the head cheerleader for a powerful woman.
The thing that keeps powerful women miserable in relationships is our own outdated beliefs. We've all been conditioned to want a husband who's rich and successful. However, as Gloria Steinem said, "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry."
If we continue to think that we should have an equally high-powered man for a partner, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Put together two strong personalities who both like being in charge and you have a recipe for relationship ruin.
It took 30 years and 3 divorces before I discovered the truth about this for myself. Now I am happily married at last to a man who supports me and is proud of my accomplishments. He is happy to let me be the leader at home as well as at work. He does all the housework, too! So what if he earns less.
The only difficult part for me was accepting the fact that he likes me to be in control. And that he is no less of a man because of it. With that acceptance I have settled comfortably into the best and longest relationship of my life.
As more women out-earn their men the woman led marriage will become more common. That's why my husband and I are coming out of the closet about our relationship. Powerful women need a different kind of partner and a different kind of relationship to be happy. Rid yourself of those old stereotyped beliefs and learn how to pick the right kind of man. Accomplished women can be winners in work AND in love. |
