Are you having a difficult time in your relationship / marriage? The following 7 questions are the ones I hear most frequently from coaching couples clients. I hope they help you to find some of your answers to the questions you might have. 1 - Can we fall in love again?
Absolutely! Many couples drift apart during the course of their relationship and feel like they have lost a connection. This is usually due to some sort of communication problem. I suggest sitting down together and have a calm, peaceful and honest conversation. Listen carefully to what your partner is saying and come to an agreement on how to start to put romance and kindness back into the relationship. You can re-create a new loving space if both of you are able to give freely of yourselves and fully commit to do whatever it takes to re-connect and fall in love again. 2 - Why can't my partner give me what I need?
They probably could, if they knew what you needed! First, do you have unrealistic expectations of how your wants and needs must be satisfied? If so, re-examine them and adjust them to reality. As you know, men and women have very different needs and they can fall into two kinds of traps. First, they think their partner can read their minds and know what they need. Second, they believe their needs are the same as their partner and they try to satisfy those needs and not the needs of their partner! 3 - We are so busy, how can we find time for ourselves?
This is probably the most common problem all relationships have in todays hectic world. The first thing you need to do is sit down together and plan the time and make it sacred! I know its tough but no matter if it is the kids, work, friends or family; you need a minimum of 10 hours of undivided time a week. This will allow time to have open and honest conversation, intimacy and affection, fun and recreation. Make a plan and do whatever it takes but find the time and re-discover the passion! 4 - How can we communicate better?
If you are having a hard time communicating, you need to acquire the skills and tools to do so successfully. Then you have to practice and you have to work at it. You need to learn to hush up and listen. You must communicate from a space of safety, honesty, empathy, integrity and without defensiveness. You must listen from the perspective that it is not about you, be careful not to have harsh starts to the conversation, give equal time to each other and make respectful requests, not selfish demands! 5 - Why do our disagreements escalate into arguments?
First ask, what is the REAL issue? Is it about a small problem that is triggering a deeper emotional wound? So many couples when triggered will start a conversation with verbal darts, selfish demands and/or disrespectful judgments, which can lead to a harsh start to the conversation. This snowballs into criticism, contempt and/or resentment, which invariably can lead to anger, rage and stonewalling. It all begins with how you approach and start the conversation! 6 - Why does it take so long for us to recover from these horrible fights?
The reason is because both of you have been through a terrible ordeal. Intense episodes of conflict can leave massive emotional scares and drain the love from both of you. The most important thing to learn is how to successfully repair about an escalated episode. After a terrible fight, one or both of the partners are flooded with negative emotions and it takes time to recover. This is when you take time to reflect on what has happened, be brutally honest with yourself, take personal responsibility for your own actions, apologize and then have a calm, honest and loving conversation and give massive doses of TLC to each other. 7 How can I help my partner heal their emotional wounds?
This is very difficult unless your partner has accepted the truth about the origin of their wounds and fears. If they have and are taking personal responsibility for their actions and behaviors, you can then assist. The most important point to remember is to be empathic, listen and ask them how you can help apply a soothing ointment to help the pain. Be careful to never throw verbal salt on the wound, have patience and make sure they feel loved, secure and safe in the relationship. And always remember to give massive doses of TLC!
I hope you and your partner
Gain the Awareness, Learn the Skills and
Practice the Techniques so you are successful on your
Journey from I-TO-WE to live your lives as each others
Best Friends During the Day,
Lovers at Night, and
Partners for Life
2006 All Rights Reserved Glenn Cohen I-TO-WE Relationship Coaching |
